Forgiving Our Addictions and Compulsions (part 2)
This concept of forgiving our addictions/compulsions can be scary for some of us especially since I believe what I am writing about is in shedding a new light upon an old concept. This though is the beauty contained within the C.M.R. process to reconnect with our bodies. The body-mind system is ONE! It is not separate as some might have you believe. We are all created from the ‘ONENESS’ there is no separation in us or between anything and anyone else. It is the neurotic EGO that glorifies separateness.
However, if forgiving your compulsions is not speaking to you right now lets look a little more closely at for giving yourself; after all your compulsions may not trust your new intention to heal. A compulsion is the energy that creates the addiction when left unchecked.
As in Step 3 (made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as we understood him) we need to have willingness to begin to forgive ourselves. This may be hard after many years of our minds convincing us we do not serve and all the reasons that follow. However, we owe ourselves this mercy.
In step 8 (made a list of all person(s) we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all) my AL-Anon sponsor had me do something different with this step. She, yes, I said she made me put myself at the TOP OF THE AMENDS LIST. What? I didn’t need forgiving! I had done all these horrible things to others revealed through my 4 step!
I was guided to the 12 steps and 12 traditions book pages 79-80. Where it says and I quote: “In many instances though we may find the harm we have done to others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done to ourselves has. Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness.”
The persisting ‘emotional conflicts below the level of consciousnesses’ are our compulsive energies and unmet needs. I think there is much more awareness work that can be done with step 8. Most people in recovery just want to get to step 9 and there is usually little time spent examining what this step is really asking of us.
It deals with the surface stuff making amends and forgiving ourselves for the attitudes, judgments, behaviors, and inappropriate actions with others.
But, what if we started to look for and make a list of the ‘compulsions’ that were behind the behaviors? And ask ourselves what ‘NEED’ was I trying to meet in that experience?
A good beginning is to start every morning when you’re looking in the bathroom mirror and say, ‘I forgive you’ and add your name at the end. Say it like a mantra. Forgive all the parts of yourself that are unacceptable and unlovable. You will see where you are still closed. Allow yourself to feel the contracted energy. It is through the contraction you will find your way back to your heart and your own Vast Intelligence within you.
Your mind will put many obstacles in the way of this process. For the neurotic EGO wants nothing to do with ‘oneness’ or ‘forgiveness.’ It is life threatening to the EGO.
Watch and observe the mind without judgments just notice what is there.
Reaction and resentment are buried deep inside us. They are a part of the ‘collective consciousness’ and this energy have been passed down through the millennium. In the willingness to explore our own forgiveness we will see the protective walls we have put up around our hearts. Forgiveness is not just about hearing the anger or grief; it is also about listening for the longing that is deep within us; reconnecting with ourselves, to create more space within.
When we can learn to accept our lives as they are past and present we can begin to live in a more present state of awareness.
When we process the wounded energy around the addiction then we can forgive ourselves and love ourselves.
Our healing starts with a commitment. Our recovery started with a surrendering and willingness. In learning to forgive and love ourselves again we make a commitment to become willing and teachable so we may love and celebrate life after the addiction. Taking responsibility and making a commitment to your healing is like working steps 4-10. It acknowledges ‘this is me feeling this now’. This is your beings creative expression! Give thanks and feel the gratitude that wells up from within and pat yourself on the back for doing this work. There is nothing inherited that is wrong with us we were always LOVE.
Namaste’ Gary
